UGH, i want to die i'm so stupid. why can't i just die.

no one believes that i am lonely.

and i haven't been able to draw at all recently! everything looks creepy and off somehow. i'm afraid the only way i can draw now is if i have a reference and i don't want it to be like that! i want to be able to draw on my own, too. i have nothing to do and i just want to cry but that would be unproductive, i guess.

i'm too embarrassed to tell anyone on tumblr or facebook but i'm just really sad all the time. it doesn't seem like it, so when i tell people as much they write it off as me joking around. but i was on the verge of tears all day for no reason and it was really stupid. i can't talk to people about it because it'll bother them or they won't believe me because i don't have anything to complain about. i just want friends, i want people to talk to or just give me company. i feel really alone. i know that's a very characteristic thing for a teenager to say, but that is how it is.

see, this took me quite a while but someone was like "it looks like she's going to give lemonsnout a lap dance" and i was like no, it's just like a couch that looks like lemonsnout and she's sitting on him because justice always prevails and whatnot and plus she killed him. so please stop.
and then i was looking closer at it and her face is weird. i want to cry.

i suck at art!!!! every time i draw something and it takes me a really long time not very many people like it and i'm confused because i put so much effort into it but it never turns into something people like. i'm beginning to think it's useless and i should just stop but if i did i would probably be really sad. i don't know.
and then sometimes people make fun of my drawings?? i'm really self-conscious about drawing in front of other people so maybe i should stop doing livestreams and join.mes too.

please keep parker allred in your prayers.

one of my classmates might die tomorrow. i only found out this afternoon during history class, and i didn't even really know who he was then. i realized tonight that i've seen his face around and he looks like a really nice kid. finding out his life is in severe danger was overwhelming, to say the least. i can't fathom what it would be like if bro's life was on the line without any prior signs of illness, because this situation has already made me cry and i don't even know him personally. this boy's family is sweet. they are so sweet and loving and deserve to keep their son and brother. he doesn't deserve to die yet. he needs to live a long life and play sports and be with his friends, i know he does, and i've never even spoken to him. please, please pray for him, i can't imagine the impact it will have on his family if he dies. this is sad and i can't handle it.

here is his sister's blog: http://sweetblueeyedboy.blogspot.com/

it's so terrible and i can't even do anything